Spring is imminent in Oz. The sun’s coming up a bit earlier and today, 22 August, a nearby magpie smacked me twice, the bastard. Canberra is by any measure the Magpie Capital of the World and, like watching a batsman being hit in the groin is hilarious to watch, sobering when experienced first hand/head/testicle. Strategies involve swallowing one’s pride with echidna-mimicking zip ties on the helmet or the questionably aerodynamic DaBrim, with which one can achieve lift over 50kmh. Avoidance is not an option as by September I will be assaulted at all three exits from my house. I seek a support group, a circle of trust.
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Tried feeding them? Apparently they have great memories and if you feed them they’ll leave you alone.
Zip ties do nothing, by the way. I forget the video, but it was “proven” (quite unscientifically I might add) that Magpies essentially don’t see the zip ties. The only thing that stopped them was a massive afro wig…
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Hasty reply, typed surreptitiously over dinner…
Wasn’t there a postie in Canberra that fed the magpies bits of granola bars and eventually got those birds to leave him alone? Not for one season, mind you, but subsequent seasons as well.
Also, if memory serves, isn’t there a website that lets victims (haha) report attacks?
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Where are your Magpies, Pete?
I really like Magpies. We feed them and welcome them in our yard but some of them are just nasty. We had one for years at the circle beside the Curtin shops and it nearly caused accidents because it’d swoop and slash your ears while you were negotiating traffic. Sadly the word is that that bird was “removed” - but only after about 5 years of trauma!
I don’t believe feeding the nasty ones makes a difference - I reckon that’s an urban myth just like cable ties etc. The best you can do is ignore them or talk to them. That’s hard to do while negotiating a heavy traffic intersection.
Yes - there is a website for recording magpie interactions. I don’t have the link but have seen it shared lots.
@GPlama might be able to recommend a Magpie proof helmet! 
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Reckon this is the one…
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Found the article…
I have difficulty feeding them whilst in the drops.
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Last year was a peak for me. 3 magpies within a 2km section of road on my 3km commute to work. I’d be attacked in both directions; all three quite aggressively with body weight hits to the helmet, claws clattering, and often a neck scratch or ear bite. This went from early August through to November. My only option was diversions through side streets, which was ok but still annoying when running late sometimes.
I’m suspicious of the situation as I am yet to be swooped by any of these birds this year. Have they all moved on? Death is a possibility given it’s a busy road, which would make me sad. But yes, I’m waiting for them…
I otherwise like magpies. They’re clearly very smart. A couple wander over to me when I eat lunch outside at work, check out what I’m eating, turn their nose up at the fruit I offer them, then walk off to see what else is around.
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As an ex Canberran, I can vouch they are ruthless there. The mount Ainslie dive bomber deserves a special place in hell.
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As a current Canberran I’d say the worst Magpie stretch I’ve experienced is the Brisbane Valley Rail Trail! They were nuts! This was just one of many…
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My wife insists that singing to the regulars has kept her unscathed on the bike commute from Eltham to Abbotsford in Melbourne. I’m not convinced but then again, I was chased (and nearly had an ear removed) by one for almost 300 metres along Merri Creek near Coburg Lake, so the species clearly hates me and I doubt my dulcet tones would help.
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You can only sing to them once you know they’re there - which is usually too late in my experience.
Does your wife have a particular song she uses??
I just crack up when they attack me. We’ve had many pet magpies here in NZ, where you are actually allowed to kill them. They 100% remember faces. My last magpie never forgave me for sending her on a short plane trip to my parents who loved her to bits. Everytime I visited them she would launch at my feet, pecking at them. During the last Big Finish Line Party bikepacking event, videographer Rob Dawson was attacked and crashed his bike. Broke somethingand went home in an Ambo. I was attacked by the same bird a couple of days earlier. Best to just keep your head down, look straight ahead. Its not personal, its territorial! Picture of Pew with my dad.
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There are tons of magpies on the trails I ride, and they’re total sweethearts. Wouldn’t dream of attacking anyone. Black-billed variety. Western U.S.
She rides the same route to work all year and sings to them every day, not just during swoop season. Apparently the tune :”Hellooooo Maggieeee” is on heavy rotation 
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you call that a magpie? This is a magpie.
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I’ve been lulled into a false sense of security because the magpies seem to start a bit later in Canberra than Queensland. Not looking forward to September and October
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Another Canberran here. Best tip I ever got was to hold one arm up just to the side of your helmet and spread your fingers out, so your hand is almost above your helmet. It won’t stop the first dive bomb but it will stop any subsequent attack making contact.
They are smart birds and know a human hand is the most dangerous part of us (likely learnt while being banded). So they steer clear of the hand. I’ve been using this tactic for close to 10 years now and not once has a Magpie made contact with my hand or helmet, after I’ve raised it above my helmet. They still continue to swoop me but stay far enough away to prevent the dreaded clash of beak/claw on helmet.
EDIT: I can confirm that feeding local Magpies does prevent swooping. We’ve got a family across the road that we feed when we walk our dog, twice a day - throwing a few dog treats to them. They never swoop me but I’ve seen locals riding by get swooped multiple times a day. Not a practical solution for the 99% of your ride that isn’t in the street you live in, though.
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I’ll take my beta magpies any day!
I live in the high mountains where some vigilance about wildlife is warranted, but am still happy that it’s not like even the cute, fuzzy wildlife is trying to either kill your ass outright or at least leave you in a bloody fetal position on the side of the road. Which is my stereotypical impression of all y’alls wildife.
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Things I learnt from living in Australia;
- The possums might look adorable (to some), but never try feeding them. Their looks belie the sharp knives they wield at the end of each paw, ready to sever your arteries…
- If you’re in the bush, and if you really have to leave your shoes, boots, etc outdoors, you should always, shake them out before putting your foot in them…
- That, still in bushland territory, any concrete platform with cracks, crevices and gaps, are bound to have brown snakes. That’s plural folks… There’s never just one.
- And the worst of all are those drop bears, which are not your regular grey souvenir looking types…
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